my love affair has ended

it all started so long ago. in friends' backyards and in my bathroom lined with roses we would find ourselves together. and oh it was good. through high school and college our bond was strengthened. we had the same friends, we liked to do the same things and go the same places.

then the inevitable happened. we both grew up. i like to think that as i grew i changed and wanted to live a healthier life style. i was sick of waking up coughing. every minor cold i would catch eventually progressed into full blown brochitis. i didn't like the shit coming up from my lungs. and i smelled. so did my car and my clothes. and it was all my lover's fault. my smokey, chemical ridden, lung killing beau. i knew it was time to quit smoking.

but smoking was so good for so long. smoking even managed to snag me a few friends along the way. i just ate, i would smoke. i needed an excuse to leave an awkward situation, a cigarette outside was calling my name. i'm in the car, i must smoke. it was ingrained into my lifestyle so thoroughly it felt like more than a habit, it felt like me. but it was a huge part of my day to day routine that i tried to hide. working at a health conscious medical company it's looked down upon as though it were crack rock i was ingesting daily instead of nicotine.

january 2nd it all came to and end. it's been a whopping four days, 13 hours and 44 minutes since my last drag. i still need to clean out all of the empty packs beneath my driver's seat but that will happen all in good time. zac and i are taking walks, i'm wii'ing until my arm is ready to fall off and i have eaten an exorbitant number of wasabi coated peas but i feel good. i know some of that good feeling is due to the patch i'm wearing but i think a decent portion of my mood can be attributed to a sense of accomplishment. the last time i went five days without a cigarette i was probably 15. i think the hard part for me isn't necessarily breaking the chemical dependency but stopping the intensely ingrained act of smoking. it was fun while it lasted but our relationship had run its course. with no regrets, i'm kicking smoking to the curb. wish me luck.